If you’ve followed the Radiant blog for a while, you know that about a year and a half ago my very toxic relationship finally came to an end. <big sigh of relief>
If you haven’t followed along for these past 18 months, the relationship can be summed up with a few words including: Cruel. Crass. Narcissistic. Depressing. Toxic AF. Draining. Manipulative. Deceitful. Neglectful.
The list could go on, but I feel like you’re smart and you get the picture here! ;) You may have even been in a similar situation yourself so you know where I’m going with this.
Over this 18-month period, a tremendous amount of healing has occurred.
Core wounds have been examined.
Coaching has been completed.
Personal development work has been consistently done.
New relationships have been established.
A new mindset has been created.
I love to tell my clients this story about the day I really noticed the change within myself.
There’s this one stop sign that truly stands out for me.
The road is a relatively empty one considering the area. I used to pull up to that stop sign and bawl my eyes out.
When a car would pull up behind me, I’d finally move on and go to the gym.
But, after the gym I would head home, get in bed, and cry some more.
I was so depressed and distressed. My life felt like a never-ending dark hole due to this relationship.
But, I wouldn’t leave.
Worse yet, day after day I fought like hell to keep it going.
Thankfully, my stop sign story has a happy ending.
These days when I pull up to that stop sign, I take a deep breath, feel incredibly grateful, and I smile.
I am no longer distraught each day. I found myself in so many ways.
I was finally released from the stranglehold of the torment of this narcissistic relationship.
And, for the last 18 months, we have left each other well enough alone.
Until Saturday night, that is.
After much anticipation for a fun local event with a bunch of friends who were both working the event and in attendance with me, my ex and one of her family members decided to not only end, but wrecking-ball our hiatus.
Lies were spread. Malicious storylines were created. It was nothing short of chaos.
In an attempt to quell a situation that was getting out of hand very quickly, I calmly and quietly approached a few of the managers that I’m friends with to let them know that something was going on and that I was concerned about our food, drinks, and general experience.
But, that’s the problem right there.
I QUIETLY approached.
I tried to quietly quell a situation when I was the target of a deceptive raucous.
A massive scene was being made by the other person. But, I didn’t look the chaos in the face and make a scene myself.
I quietly approached it and the situation carried on throughout the night like a fire meeting gasoline.
The situation ate at me for days as I worked through it from different angles.
Then, while I was listening to a training created by Clear Coach Susan Hyatt she started talking about…
Wait for it…
Making a scene!
She recalled a time when she was on a run where she approached an altercation that could have turned into a violent incident.
She made the split-second decision to make a scene and the person backed off.
However, after he left, the other individual shared that SHE was embarrassed that they had made a scene by fighting.
Susan used this example to explain how critical it is for us to make a scene in situations like these. The other person isn’t worth the scene, but you sure as hell are!
The problem is that many of us grew up and are socialized to believe statements like these:
Well, if it does, Susan says, “F*$% that” and I am right there with her in solidarity.
It is time to get out there and make a scene when it’s necessary.
It is time to stand up to bullies and not let them create hostile situations for the people they attempt to victimize.
You do NOT need to tolerate someone else’s b*llshit.
You do NOT have to sit down and shut up.
Hopefully this is the end of this particular situation for me.
But, if it’s not, I can tell you that I will never quietly stand by while my daughter watches on to see how I react.
Next time I will show her and the other people around me that sometimes making a scene is the right thing to do.
Standing up to injustice is the way to go.
Sticking up for yourself and others is the right choice.
There’s no need to shy away from making a scene.
So how about you?
Is there an area of your life where it’s time for you to make a scene??
I hope you dig deep and discover that you're brave enough to do it!
Here's To Your Success,
I woke up today with a very specific blog topic in mind.
Yet, all of a sudden the idea of forgiveness popped into my head.
And, it struck me that with the holiday's around the corner, now might be a good time to talk about forgiveness and releasing the past.
As I made my coffee, I kept bouncing back and forth between the two ideas.
I have recently started tapping into my own intuition in ways never before imaginable.
As I sat down at my desk with my coffee, I used the two doTERRA essential oils I felt the biggest pull towards.
I also surrounded my workspace with the crystals I felt most in alignment with, a tip I learned in Jennifer Jiva's book "Spiritual Detox for Divas."
Next, I did a quick shuffle and pulled a card from the Believe and Balance deck created by my friend Nicole Allard.
The Universal message was clear: Forgive and offer gratitude to your past and move forward.
So, today we will focus on forgiveness and releasing the past so that we can move forward.
One of the most powerful processes I have ever learned for doing this is the Metta (or Loving-Kindness) Meditation that Gabby Bernstein taught us at the Level 1 Spirit Junkie Masterclass in New York City this past summer.
I took the main parts of this experience and created a simple 1-page instant download for you so that you can try it out yourself and have the ability to print it out and take it on the go with you. You can get it right HERE.
The best part about this process is it takes less than 5-minutes, yet the benefits are amazing.
Give it a try and then let me know what you think!
Here's To Your Success & Happiness,
Are You Controlling The "Controllables"?? (And, what to do now if you aren't!!!)
If you're like most people I know, you worry about a LOT of stuff in your day-to-day life.
But, what good is all of this worry doing?? The fact is that not only is worry a massive waste of our finite time, but it also has a ton of negative effects in our lives.
Okay. So we know worrying isn't *helping* anything...
But, what do we do about it??
One useful solution is to focus on the "controllables."
There are 3 of them:
In his book, "Being The STARfish: 7 Steps to Sharing So People WANT To Buy," Neal Anderson tells us:
"Significance and success stems from our actions, which are
And, Jack Canfield offers us a simple formula for success:
E + R = O
We might not be in control of the event, but we are ALWAYS in charge of our response and that's what determines the ultimate outcome.
Showing up is half the battle and when we combine a "no excuses" attitude with efficient and inspired work habits and an intention to serve others, we become unstoppable.
How you respond will make all of the difference.
Unfortunately, people tend to be paralyzed by fear and end up more focused on their "Why Not" than they are on their "Why."
That's how we lose our personal power.
"Activity is what breeds passion.
Sound familiar in your own life??
What action can YOU take today to begin to control YOUR controllables??
I hope you take that first step today!!
Here's To Your Success,
P.S.: If you're ready to shift from your place of "Why Not" to developing a clear "Why" and taking action from there, I invite you to join me on my FREE webinar training. Click HERE to register.
Cooking With Essential Oils
Did you know that you can cook with essential oils??
It's very important to use Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils like the ones doTERRA sells. Then, you just have to make sure they are safe for internal consumption.
Some doTERRA essential oils that are safe oils to use while cooking include:
You might be wondering "Why would I want to use essential oils in my food?"
With essential oils, a little goes a LONG way. For instance, one drop of lemon essential oil can replace a bunch of fresh squeezed lemons.
Also, essential oils have a much longer shelf-life than dried herbs or spices. While oils may be more costly in the initial stages, over the long haul they will prove to be more cost-effective and last a really long time. No more running out to the store because you ran out of oregano!
This weekend I made a salad dressing for my kids and me.
Aside from a healthy alternative to store-bought dressings, we had a fun time making it!!
How about you?? What are your favorite essential oils for cooking?? Comment below and let us know!!
Ready to get cooking and purchase your own CPTG essential oils?? You can get them all right HERE. Just click "SHOP."
During the month of October, I ran a sales performance and business leadership training with my Radiant doTERRA team.
The focus of one of the training sessions was getting clear on your vision.
I think this is one of the most important topics that we could possibly cover.
In fact, I think that getting crystal clear about your personal vision for your life is so important that I spend an entire module helping my Reclaim Yourself life transformations coaching clients doing just that.
When you look at your own life, how clear do you feel??
Unfortunately, when I first start working with my clients, I find that even though most of them aren't truly happy with the way things are currently going, they also have very little clarity about what they want their life to actually look like.
Because of the responses that I was getting, I decided to make this worksheet that I love to start out with as a first step.
It's called the Be-Do-Have-Feel worksheet. (You can download your complimentary copy right HERE.)
Even if you've done it before, it's a great resource to re-use every few months, or so. In fact, I tend to recommend that you re-do it quarterly for the most powerful results.
Another key step when it comes to clarity and creating a vision for yourself is to not get so caught up in perfectionism and creating the "perfect" vision that you forget to actually get started.
In fact, in his book, Being The STARfish, Neal Anderson tell us:
"You don't need to have your Why all figured out in order to get started at
So, be sure to download your complimentary worksheet and then don't forget to jump right in and take action to start creating the life you would like to be living a year or two from now.
Your vision will develop along the way.
Here's To Your Success,
P.S.: If you would like to discover three incredibly powerful transformational tools that you can use to create a joyful, fulfilling, and courageously confident lifestyle, join me on my FREE webinar training where I'll be showing you how to create the year you have always dreamed of for 2018. You can sign up by clicking HERE. Hope to connect with you there!
Don't Quit Your Day Dream
You're destined for BIG things!!
Not sure what that might be??
There's a good chance you probably gave up your day dream.
If you find yourself getting lost in thoughts of worry, distress, or fear, it's time to shift your thoughts towards manifesting, abundance, and optimism.
Once you make this mindset shift, you can begin to get clear on what you really want in your life instead of constantly focusing on (and dreading) what you don't want.
Clarity is a game-changer.
In both my 1-on-1 coaching and in my coaching programs, the first step always involves helping my clients get crystal clear on who they want to be, what they want to have, what they want to do, and (most importantly) how they want to feel.
It is through this clarity that changes are made and my clients are able to create their dream lifestyles.
I created a helpful tool to help my clients get clear. It's called the Be-Do-Have-Feel Worksheet. If you would like your own copy of this download, all you have to do is click HERE and it will be sent straight to your inbox!
And, stay tuned... Starting on September 11th, I will be running a 5-Day Clarity challenge to help you get crystal clear.
Then, on September 18th, I will release a FREE Clarity webinar training to help you take it up another level. You can register for that right HERE.
I'm looking forward to hearing all about your "aha" clarity moments and the ways that you choose to pursue your daydream.
Here's To Our Success,
The Adventure Has Begun!
I remember it vividly.
I was trying to recover from a painful breakup. I was an emotional disaster.
All I wanted was to feel some sense of release inside of my heart and mind.
I don't know why I did it, but I jumped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could.
I went to the place where the relationship began.
I sat down in the grass as the sun began to set and I bawled my eyes out.
Between the massive adrenaline rush of the 15-mile bike ride, the endorphins, and the tears, I felt the release I was looking for.
I was FINALLY letting go.
I continued with my ride.
As I got to the top of a "hill" in the area, I smelled one of my favorite scents -- jasmine flowers.
I stopped at the top and looked back at the final moments of the sunset.
And, there it suddenly hit me -- I don't have to stay here any more.
The only thing keeping me here had walked out.
I run a business focused on lifestyle design solutions -- taking bold moves and creating a life you love.
I was free. I could go.
It was a year in the making.
I started with the commitment to travel with the kids once per month in the months leading up to it.
I learned so much during those experiences. But, nothing would truly be able to prepare me for the leap.
And, that's the thing -- sometimes you just have to get out there and jump.
So how about YOU?
Is there any area in your life where it's time to stop the daydreaming, end the constant planning, and just take that leap?
Because "In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take."
Here's To OUR Success,
PS: If you want to learn the exact, proven life transformations coaching strategies for taking this leap and creating a life you love, just click on THIS LINK and I will send you information as soon as Reclaim Yourself 2017 registration opens.
Today is my one year un-iversary.
A year ago today my partner of nearly two years walked out and never came back. She was having an affair and decided to move on.
It was a terribly toxic relationship that consisted of a lot of mind games, lies, and neglect.
Unfortunately, I went all in.
Although she expressed those in the opposite way that I do, I saw many of my core wounds in her. I somehow believed that I could heal her and fix her.
I fell into behavior patterns that I'd left behind many years ago. Depression. Anxiety. Suicidality. Anorexic patterns. Drinking wayyy too much alcohol. Crying in bed for days. It got really bad.
Like Tove Lo's 'Habits' was my theme song bad.
I remember reading the Rolling Stone article about Stevie Nicks where her best friend Tom Petty said that decades ago he worried so much about Nicks and was sure that he was going to get a call that she had overdosed on cocaine.
It hit me harder because my favorite band friend had just finished saying, "I don't know, Ali, we are all just kinda sitting here waiting to get the call that you wrapped your car around a tree."
The words stung. The deadpan emotion behind it stung more. It was a throwing of the hands in the air.
I was somehow able to compartmentalize for the most part.
I stayed in shape. Did some yoga. Taught spin and boot camp classes. I showed up. Empowered and built up others. Successfully ran my business. Interacted with friends. Had a social life. Cooked. Kept my house up.
But, the maternal guilt was nothing I could explain. Despite all of the above, I knew the thoughts in my head.
The last time I experienced the depression/anxiety/suicidality trifecta, I was alone in New Orleans working on my Ph.D. Now I had two little lives to consider. Two little lives who meant more than life itself to me.
I don't know how, but this period had very little impact on them. I still did everything they needed me to do. I was still there for them showing them all the love in the world. We went places. We had fun.
The only caveat to this is they knew "Mommy cries a lot."
The day after she left, I had a massive breakdown.
But, then something completely unexpected occurred.
I felt so much relief. It was like this massive weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was out of the toxic neglect cycle and I didn't need to try to love her whole anymore.
I'd been released.
Things went really well for about 3 months.
But, then as I started to dig deeper, I discovered a thought I couldn't shake:
What in the fuck is wrong with me that she had to leave me? I was never
going to end it. She had to. The toxic half had to walk away first. I clung
to a toxic person and a toxic situation. Why? What is wrong with me?
Thankfully, I had the most amazing life coach who helped me trace it all through and see all of the little things I had done that set it up for her to leave.
I might not have physically walked out that front door, but I created the conditions to make her do it. There wasn't anything wrong with me.
I just wasn't 100% there yet. But, the 80-ish% was enough.
I spent many months bawling my eyes out to this song.
Nicki Minaj wrote it while going through her divorce, Skylar Gray has always been my #girlcrush, and the words are just so in line with everything I experienced.
I heard it today and felt so much gratitude for the process.
I just returned from New York City where I attended Gabrielle Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Masterclass.
I attended because I wanted to be the best, soul-centered life transformations coach I could possibly be.
This weekend was so much about worthiness and self-love. And, allowing yourself to be whole and treating yourself the way you treat friends and clients.
One of the biggest things Gabby taught us is to put away our ideas of what we think we *should* be teaching and coaching and step wholly into the work we were brought here to do.
She taught us that what we have been through -- the messiest, hardest parts -- those are what we are meant to teach and share.
So here it is.
Here's To OUR Success,
P.S.: If you want to learn the five most important takeaways from the Spirit Junkie Masterclass training and how to apply it in your own life to create a joyful, fulfilling, and courageously confident life, check out the training I just created...
Discover Five of The Most Important Strategies I Learned In Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass and How To Apply Them In Your Own Life to Create More Joy, Confidence, & Abundance
In This Exclusive Training, You Will Receive:
No matter what you’re trying to accomplish in your life – a work project, getting a new job, starting a family, building a home, sticking to a diet or workout routine, making money, parenting – mindset is EVERYTHING.
Our belief system impacts our perceptions, the goals we create, the actions we take, and ultimately, our level of success.
Therefore, it’s essential to have a “growth mindset” and believe in the limitless nature of your possibilities.
Saying things like “That will never happen for me,” “That’s too much for me to achieve,” “I can’t make money like that,” There’s too many other people already out there doing what I want to do,” “I’m not a good enough _____,” “My diets always fail,” etc. will NEVER get you the results that you’re looking for.
In fact, you will continue to attract more negative things and thinking into your life.
Can you adopt a “growth mindset” today??
Step 1 is believing that it’s possible.
Step 2 is creating some affirmative statements to attract more of what you DO want into your life.
You can shift from fear to courage today!
Here’s To Our Success,
The "Other" F-Word...
We all have that "one thing"...
Those who know me well and even those who have followed some of the blog posts and videos on the Radiant site know that like most people, for all that I have overcome, for all of my successes and victories, I’ve had this one thorn in my side…
Mine was my previous relationship.
It was a level of betrayal that is still difficult to wrap one’s mind around.
The wounds were deep and straight to the back.
There is not much that can be said to console a person who falls deeply in love with another person only to discover that the entire thing was a lie. A manipulation. A game.
The recovery cycle was vicious.
Falling back down.
When I look back now, I understand that I attracted someone who – at that moment in time – was on the exact same vibrational frequency as me.
I chose to play with fire. I got burned.
I met someone in the exact same situation as me.
Desperately searching for a way to get out of a stale, toxic, way-past-the-point-of-being-done relationship.
Someone who was searching for someone or something outside of themselves to ignite a spark that had long since diminished. Needing to feel alive; wanting that spark to be relit.
Someone who struggled with feelings of worthlessness and not being enough. Strangled by the feelings of inadequacy.
One night at work, I found that spark and connection with her.
I remember the moment. Her eyes. The feeling. Something came alive in that instant. I can still recall it like yesterday.
Once it all came crashing down, exposed for the façade that it was, I also spent months trying to forget it all wishing with everything I had in me that I had walked by her that night and never looked back.
But, at that time, I had found exactly what I was looking for. I attracted what I was putting out there.
I ended up developing toxic habits, bounced in and out of major depressive cycles, and learned to play small in my daily life.
She was an expert at judging others and I, too, started judging everyone and everything around me.
In “The Universe Has Your Back,” Gabby Bernstein explains:
“We use judgment to avoid the feeling of our own inadequacy, insecurities, and lack of self-worth. Instead of addressing those feelings, we look at the perceived shortcomings of others so we don’t have to face our own pain… At its core, attack is really a call for help.“
That relationship in itself was ultimately a call for help.
I needed to recognize the ways that I did not feel "good enough" and all of the ways that I lacked self-love. I had to discover a healthy way to "fill the void" and create a wholehearted life.
And, it turns out that there’s really only one way to get past a situation like this.
You have to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, loss, and confusion. Recognize the anger. Accept the situation for what it is and what it has meant to you, free of judgments.
And, then, we must recognize our oneness – no matter how difficult that may be.
Releasing judgments, allowing ourselves to forgive, and recognizing our oneness, allows the situation to dissipate. It can no longer have power over you.
As Gabby says:
“It brings us back to the truth. That we are all in this together. We all suffer… She is you. Her pain is yours. Her suffering is yours. And, you both want the same thing: To return to peace.”
Is it time for you to forgive?
I felt so guided by this reading and my own experience of forgiving, releasing, and letting go, that I decided to create an entire new module for my signature digital life transformations coaching program, Reclaim Yourself, that focuses solely on forgiveness.
Forgiving the person or situation that hurt you the most.
“Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.”
Forgiveness releases you from the stranglehold the person or situation had on you and allows you to move on to the peaceful, joyful life that you deserve.
Is it easy? No.
Can you do it? Yes.
I believe in you.
Here’s To Our Success,
PS: If you want to learn more about the Reclaim Yourself program, just click on THIS LINK and I will send you information as soon as the course opens!