I remember it vividly.
I was trying to recover from a painful breakup. I was an emotional disaster.
All I wanted was to feel some sense of release inside of my heart and mind.
I don't know why I did it, but I jumped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could.
I went to the place where the relationship began.
I sat down in the grass as the sun began to set and I bawled my eyes out.
Between the massive adrenaline rush of the 15-mile bike ride, the endorphins, and the tears, I felt the release I was looking for.
I was FINALLY letting go.
I continued with my ride.
As I got to the top of a "hill" in the area, I smelled one of my favorite scents -- jasmine flowers.
I stopped at the top and looked back at the final moments of the sunset.
And, there it suddenly hit me -- I don't have to stay here any more.
The only thing keeping me here had walked out.
I run a business focused on lifestyle design solutions -- taking bold moves and creating a life you love.
I was free. I could go.
It was a year in the making.
I started with the commitment to travel with the kids once per month in the months leading up to it.
I learned so much during those experiences. But, nothing would truly be able to prepare me for the leap.
And, that's the thing -- sometimes you just have to get out there and jump.
So how about YOU?
Is there any area in your life where it's time to stop the daydreaming, end the constant planning, and just take that leap?
Because "In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take."
Here's To OUR Success,
PS: If you want to learn the exact, proven life transformations coaching strategies for taking this leap and creating a life you love, just click on THIS LINK and I will send you information as soon as Reclaim Yourself 2017 registration opens.
Today is my one year un-iversary.
A year ago today my partner of nearly two years walked out and never came back. She was having an affair and decided to move on.
It was a terribly toxic relationship that consisted of a lot of mind games, lies, and neglect.
Unfortunately, I went all in.
Although she expressed those in the opposite way that I do, I saw many of my core wounds in her. I somehow believed that I could heal her and fix her.
I fell into behavior patterns that I'd left behind many years ago. Depression. Anxiety. Suicidality. Anorexic patterns. Drinking wayyy too much alcohol. Crying in bed for days. It got really bad.
Like Tove Lo's 'Habits' was my theme song bad.
I remember reading the Rolling Stone article about Stevie Nicks where her best friend Tom Petty said that decades ago he worried so much about Nicks and was sure that he was going to get a call that she had overdosed on cocaine.
It hit me harder because my favorite band friend had just finished saying, "I don't know, Ali, we are all just kinda sitting here waiting to get the call that you wrapped your car around a tree."
The words stung. The deadpan emotion behind it stung more. It was a throwing of the hands in the air.
I was somehow able to compartmentalize for the most part.
I stayed in shape. Did some yoga. Taught spin and boot camp classes. I showed up. Empowered and built up others. Successfully ran my business. Interacted with friends. Had a social life. Cooked. Kept my house up.
But, the maternal guilt was nothing I could explain. Despite all of the above, I knew the thoughts in my head.
The last time I experienced the depression/anxiety/suicidality trifecta, I was alone in New Orleans working on my Ph.D. Now I had two little lives to consider. Two little lives who meant more than life itself to me.
I don't know how, but this period had very little impact on them. I still did everything they needed me to do. I was still there for them showing them all the love in the world. We went places. We had fun.
The only caveat to this is they knew "Mommy cries a lot."
The day after she left, I had a massive breakdown.
But, then something completely unexpected occurred.
I felt so much relief. It was like this massive weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was out of the toxic neglect cycle and I didn't need to try to love her whole anymore.
I'd been released.
Things went really well for about 3 months.
But, then as I started to dig deeper, I discovered a thought I couldn't shake:
What in the fuck is wrong with me that she had to leave me? I was never
going to end it. She had to. The toxic half had to walk away first. I clung
to a toxic person and a toxic situation. Why? What is wrong with me?
Thankfully, I had the most amazing life coach who helped me trace it all through and see all of the little things I had done that set it up for her to leave.
I might not have physically walked out that front door, but I created the conditions to make her do it. There wasn't anything wrong with me.
I just wasn't 100% there yet. But, the 80-ish% was enough.
I spent many months bawling my eyes out to this song.
Nicki Minaj wrote it while going through her divorce, Skylar Gray has always been my #girlcrush, and the words are just so in line with everything I experienced.
I heard it today and felt so much gratitude for the process.
I just returned from New York City where I attended Gabrielle Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Masterclass.
I attended because I wanted to be the best, soul-centered life transformations coach I could possibly be.
This weekend was so much about worthiness and self-love. And, allowing yourself to be whole and treating yourself the way you treat friends and clients.
One of the biggest things Gabby taught us is to put away our ideas of what we think we *should* be teaching and coaching and step wholly into the work we were brought here to do.
She taught us that what we have been through -- the messiest, hardest parts -- those are what we are meant to teach and share.
So here it is.
Here's To OUR Success,
P.S.: If you want to learn the five most important takeaways from the Spirit Junkie Masterclass training and how to apply it in your own life to create a joyful, fulfilling, and courageously confident life, check out the training I just created...
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