If you’ve followed the Radiant blog for a while, you know that about a year and a half ago my very toxic relationship finally came to an end. <big sigh of relief>
If you haven’t followed along for these past 18 months, the relationship can be summed up with a few words including: Cruel. Crass. Narcissistic. Depressing. Toxic AF. Draining. Manipulative. Deceitful. Neglectful.
The list could go on, but I feel like you’re smart and you get the picture here! ;) You may have even been in a similar situation yourself so you know where I’m going with this.
Over this 18-month period, a tremendous amount of healing has occurred.
Core wounds have been examined.
Coaching has been completed.
Personal development work has been consistently done.
New relationships have been established.
A new mindset has been created.
I love to tell my clients this story about the day I really noticed the change within myself.
There’s this one stop sign that truly stands out for me.
The road is a relatively empty one considering the area. I used to pull up to that stop sign and bawl my eyes out.
When a car would pull up behind me, I’d finally move on and go to the gym.
But, after the gym I would head home, get in bed, and cry some more.
I was so depressed and distressed. My life felt like a never-ending dark hole due to this relationship.
But, I wouldn’t leave.
Worse yet, day after day I fought like hell to keep it going.
Thankfully, my stop sign story has a happy ending.
These days when I pull up to that stop sign, I take a deep breath, feel incredibly grateful, and I smile.
I am no longer distraught each day. I found myself in so many ways.
I was finally released from the stranglehold of the torment of this narcissistic relationship.
And, for the last 18 months, we have left each other well enough alone.
Until Saturday night, that is.
After much anticipation for a fun local event with a bunch of friends who were both working the event and in attendance with me, my ex and one of her family members decided to not only end, but wrecking-ball our hiatus.
Lies were spread. Malicious storylines were created. It was nothing short of chaos.
In an attempt to quell a situation that was getting out of hand very quickly, I calmly and quietly approached a few of the managers that I’m friends with to let them know that something was going on and that I was concerned about our food, drinks, and general experience.
But, that’s the problem right there.
I QUIETLY approached.
I tried to quietly quell a situation when I was the target of a deceptive raucous.
A massive scene was being made by the other person. But, I didn’t look the chaos in the face and make a scene myself.
I quietly approached it and the situation carried on throughout the night like a fire meeting gasoline.
The situation ate at me for days as I worked through it from different angles.
Then, while I was listening to a training created by Clear Coach Susan Hyatt she started talking about…
Wait for it…
Making a scene!
She recalled a time when she was on a run where she approached an altercation that could have turned into a violent incident.
She made the split-second decision to make a scene and the person backed off.
However, after he left, the other individual shared that SHE was embarrassed that they had made a scene by fighting.
Susan used this example to explain how critical it is for us to make a scene in situations like these. The other person isn’t worth the scene, but you sure as hell are!
The problem is that many of us grew up and are socialized to believe statements like these:
Well, if it does, Susan says, “F*$% that” and I am right there with her in solidarity.
It is time to get out there and make a scene when it’s necessary.
It is time to stand up to bullies and not let them create hostile situations for the people they attempt to victimize.
You do NOT need to tolerate someone else’s b*llshit.
You do NOT have to sit down and shut up.
Hopefully this is the end of this particular situation for me.
But, if it’s not, I can tell you that I will never quietly stand by while my daughter watches on to see how I react.
Next time I will show her and the other people around me that sometimes making a scene is the right thing to do.
Standing up to injustice is the way to go.
Sticking up for yourself and others is the right choice.
There’s no need to shy away from making a scene.
So how about you?
Is there an area of your life where it’s time for you to make a scene??
I hope you dig deep and discover that you're brave enough to do it!
Here's To Your Success,